Stories | 3 min read
The First Door
The short version
In 1993 I knocked on a stranger’s door with nothing but nerve. The lesson that stuck: find the hardest part of their day.
Every leader has a first room where they learned how people really work. Mine was a stranger’s door in 1993.
I was knocking doors for a living. I’ve written about that start this way, and it’s still the truest way I know to say it: I first knocked on a stranger’s door with nothing but my nerve and a thing to sell.
That’s it. No title. No brand. No reason for anyone to listen to me.
What a door teaches you
A door is the most honest teacher in business. You get a few seconds, and the person on the other side owes you nothing.
That’s where I learned to grab attention and interest fast, because if you didn’t, the door closed and the conversation was over.
And the doors did close. A lot. I’ve called those years getting knocked down and getting back up, and paying attention to exactly what worked and exactly what didn’t. Thirty plus years later, I’m still paying attention.
The doors taught me this early. Nobody on the other side of that door wanted my product. They wanted their own day to get easier. Talk about the thing in your hand and you sound like every other person who knocked that week. Ask about them, and the door stays open a little longer.
The ice story
There’s an old sales parable I tell about this. People say you can’t sell ice to a man who’s standing on a mountain of it. In the parable, one question does it.
This is how I tell it. Most people would try to sell him the ice. Colder, cleaner, cheaper. He’d laugh. He’s standing on a mountain of it.
So the seller didn’t mention ice at all. He asked one thing. “What’s the hardest part of your day?”
He said getting up at five to cut ice for the fish.
Right there, the seller knew exactly what he was selling. So he asked, what if it was already cut, cleaned and waiting at your door every morning? An extra hour of sleep every morning was worth a lot more to him than a bag of ice.
One question about his day, and he asks you for the ice.
A door is the most honest teacher in business.
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Why this is a leadership story, not a sales story
It sounds like a lesson about selling. It isn’t. It’s a lesson about people, and leading is a people job.
I put it this way now: “Sales is no different to me than just having a communication with somebody who just needs help right now.”
Swap the word “sales” for “leading” and it still holds. Your team doesn’t want your speech about the vision. They want the hardest part of their week to get easier. Your manager who keeps missing deadlines doesn’t need another reminder. He needs someone to ask what’s actually in his way.
Most leaders walk into the room and sell the ice. They explain, they push, they repeat themselves a little louder. And the people across the table nod, because they’re standing on a mountain of explanations already.
The leaders people follow do what the door taught me. They ask first. They listen for the real answer, which is usually not the first one. Then they make that one thing easier.
The lesson
Find the hardest part of their day. Then show them how you can make it easier.
That works on a porch, and it works in a boardroom. Before your next one-on-one, your next team meeting, or your next hard talk with a partner, don’t start with what you want them to hear. Start with one question about their day, and wait for the true answer.
Get clearer, not louder. It started at a stranger’s door for me. It can start at your next conversation.
Common questions
What did the doors teach you?
Nobody on the other side of that door wanted my product. They wanted their own day to get easier.
What does selling have to do with leading?
It's a lesson about people, and leading is a people job. Swap the word "sales" for "leading" and it still holds. Your team doesn't want your speech about the vision.
How do I use this in my next meeting?
Don't start with what you want them to hear. Start with one question about their day, and wait for the true answer.
If this sounded like your week
Do a little homework on where you are, then pick fifteen minutes on the calendar. If it feels right to us both, we’ll keep talking. No pressure, and no promises.
Not ready? Start here or watch on YouTube.
Lead your power.
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Let someone fill your cup for a change
You’ve given so much, for so long, to so many people. You’re allowed to receive a little of it back.
The first step is small. Do a little homework on where you are, then pick fifteen minutes on the calendar.
Not ready to talk yet? That’s fine. Start here, with short reads sorted by what’s on your mind.